Coffee and Chocolate

Autumn Thor

•••> I liked these photos. Thor matches the autumn leaves well :3

He’s tracking something…

And just looking cute ❤

•••> 😚 💜 🐾 🐊

Diary 21-22 Nov 2019 – Portacath

•••>Yesterday, 21 November, I finally got my Portacath placed. I was so excited as I imagined that achieving venous access was no longer something I needed to worry about.

Just out of Surgery with some art on my neck

•••> Naturally, the nurse was unable to get a vein in my arm and I had to wait for Anaesthesia to come and do it instead. Thankfully, she managed to get it!

Peace out ~ I went to the store afterward with that orange stuff smeared up my face

•••> All seemed to have gone well.

Sedation can’t keep down for very long!

•••> I was up and about the moment I opened my eyes. And poking stuff. My surgeon (who is awesome) slapped my hand away when I prodded the site and the nurses kept telling me to sit down. I always feel like I have a lot of energy when I come out of anaesthesia… 🤔 but then one of the nurses sat down beside me and we delighted in going through photos of our dogs ❤

My new “ID Card” and info pamphlet. I got a little bitty “low profile” portacath.

•••> Wooo! See ya surgery center!

🥳 ☮️ ✌🏻

•••> Buuuuut the home care nurse team ended up losing my case somewhere in the system and, though they were supposed to come yesterday (21 Nov), they told me that they would instead come this morning (22 Nov). I called and they told me they didn’t see any orders for me. After a while of harassing them, they searched around and found me in the pile of stuff waiting to be processed. They decided that they would instead come out tomorrow (23 Nov) morning :/

•••> Because my hydration was put off, I had to go back to the urgent care for an IV. Instead of having to dig around in my arms however, they decided to use my new portacath (having been in place for a little over 24 hours by that point). It is massively swollen and the nurse was unsure if she’d even gotten the needle through the hub. She got a bit of blood back and managed to flush it. So she hooked me to the fluids and my shoulder blew up.

Fluid was being pumped beneath my skin instead of into the IV line—OUCH!

•••> We’re not 100% certain if it infiltrated entirely, but it certainly felt like it. I’m not sure what happened, but I’ve been looking forward to not having to worry about my veins, so I certainly hope it’s just because it’s new and swollen.

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P.S. 23 November 2019:

•••> It’s a new day and despite my anxiety, the home care nurses came and successfully accessed my port! No more fluid under the skin yuck and the IV nurse taught me how to use the pump and everything. It will be FOUR HOURS per 1000ml bag booo but that’s okay. I can do it at night 🙂

Diary 19 Nov 2019 – One More Day!

•••> Once again I am here at the clinic getting my daily 2L of saline. BUT! Tomorrow is the last day that I have to do this because I will finally be getting my portacath on Thursday morning. From there, my primary care doctor has ordered bags of saline that I can infuse myself at home!

Saline and Coffee make a good morning time cocktail 😜

•••> This Morning at the clinic was a little scary. The nurses had a lot of difficulty accessing a vein and I was afraid that they simply wouldn’t be able to. When this happens, they send me to the emergency room and I am alllll done with emergency rooms, thank you very much. It took seven sticks but they were eventually able to get a vein! I get very excited when I hear them snap back that safety needle from the catheter 🤪 it signals success!

Despite the trouble this morning, this clinic is *very* good at accessing my fickle, fragile veins and so my arms are finally beginning to heal.

More creative placement; you can actually see the line of holes where they’d been accessing a particularly cooperative vein.

•••> So I’ve just now finished my second liter of saline and am about to head out and get some Coffee! No matter how many times I get my infusions, I will always be thrilled (and surprised) with how much better I feel after IV fluids. I get so excited and am subsequently able to actually accomplish intended (but often abandoned) tasks. I can walk with my puppy and clean and help my family make dinner. I can’t WAIT until I’m able to feel this way ALL THE TIME! And AT HOME ~~ 🥰 !!

I’m so haaappppyyyy ~ !! 🥰

•••> P.S. – There’s a nice little garden out in front of the clinic… I can’t imagine how strange I looked stepping through it and taking photographs outside the windows, but I couldn’t resist :3

Beautiful beads of water on a spider web in the bushes

Berries

Just a pretty little draped tree

•••> Have a good day ~ 💜 🐾 !!

❤ Jacquelyn

Naples

•••> This wasn’t actually Naples (Florida), but the tropical scene reminded me of it. I was supposed to go down there on 5 November to visit my boyfriend, but it was shortly after my surgery and I had to cancel. I hope to re-book that flight very soon! But in the meantime, he scheduled a trip up here to make up for it!! 🥰

“Naples” – German & Russian Watercolours / A4 Canson

•••> Sorry that it’s so small. The “large” setting makes it blurry and the “medium” setting is too small! I’m still learning how to use WordPress :3 This is my first blog heh.

SMAS Diary 001

Hello! How is everyone feeling today?

I’ve decided that, due to mounting stress regarding my illness, I will start a Diary. I wanted to make it a part of Coffee & Chocolate because this whole website/blog/company is about HAPPINESS (“A Collection of Art and Happy Things”!) It is about healing and hope, but also suffering.

A Diary will allow me to vent but perhaps it will also encourage YOU to tell YOUR story. I believe it’s therapeutic and I would *love* for my friends to write something about their own journeys in response to my entries. Let’s shoulder each other’s stress and nurture our healing. The more shoulders, the stronger the support.

So this will be my first entry.

October-November 2019

This past month has been quite rough and, to say the very least, scary. Thankfully I am currently in much better shape, but still recovering.

•••> On 4 October, the weekend that my nephew was sleeping over, I became sick. I had to go to the ER to get fluids and medications and was then discharged. Sadly however, I had no energy to play with my nephew that weekend. I just continued to get sicker.

I was trying to take a picture of the burning redness up my arm; it didn’t show up too well.

•••> Whenever I would eat solid food (and sometimes liquid as well), it would come back up in a painful, automatic way. My belly would swell and I basically felt like a little cup about to overflow. This went on for weeks. I was in and out of the ER, sometimes daily, to get rehydrated and in a span of three weeks, I lost nearly 20lbs.

The first of three CT Scans.

•••> The ERs began to get sick of me, claiming that nothing was wrong and I had no reason to be there. One doctor said to me, “I can’t keep wasting resources treating you. And you’re taking up a bed for someone who could be really sick”. Needless to say, this mortified and depressed me. I cried a lot after that and even now, I’m so humiliated when I recall his words.

Lonely

•••> I became so sad and eventually started to accept that this was always going to happen. Then one evening, near the end of October, I was (very) suddenly struck with an excruciatingly sharp pain in my belly. I’ve always had abdominal pains, but this was different; I knew precisely what it was though because it felt the exact same way as when I had a bowel obstruction back in 2013 (which, thank God, was just a volvulus that managed to fix itself with some intestinal rest). So back to the ER I went.

My sole source of nutrition during that time.

•••> In the hospital, I was crying and writhing. The pain was pervasive and I couldn’t find a single position that would give me any relief. Every now and again, I would sit on my legs and lean forward so that my belly pressed against them, my face squished down into the mattress. At one point, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep like that. It was horrible. To make matters worse, the doctors kept telling me that they couldn’t see anything on my scans except some significant dilation (…is this not something?!) They insisted that it was not a concern and instead, I should go ahead and have the sigmoid scope that had been previously scheduled for me. Perhaps that will offer some answers, they claimed. I was frustrated because the issue was clearly nowhere near that location, so why were they just shrugging and passing me off?

I was beyond excited to get Saltines!

•••> So we did the scope. Nothing. The pain was getting worse and I’d begun to throw up literal gallons of painful, dark green bile. The hospital that I was eventually admitted to did nothing. They refused to give me anything intravenously and continually told me that I would not be able to go home unless I ate something. They tried to force me to take pills despite the fact that I was vomiting. The pain was so bad I felt like I was losing my mind and yet they would only give me a bloody Dilaudid pill that would eventually just come up anyway. I was so scared, wondering if I’d ever get any relief. And I was so sad–I just wanted to go home and feel okay again. I cried and begged the hospital staff to let me have IV pain and nausea medicine and they continued to refuse. When I asked them for perhaps the 800th time, the nurse said, “oh no. They have your discharge papers all ready”. And they sent me home.

The courtyard of my original hospital. Despite being sick, I was just happy to get the hell out of there.

•••> Enter BETH ISRAEL DEACONESS HOSPITAL! My family and I had had quite enough of my previous hospital’s nonsense and so I promptly changed primary care providers as well as the network wherein I received my care. I feel a little dramatic saying it, but I honestly think this saved my life.

Lollipops!

It was a miracle that the nurse managed to get an IV into my abused arms; I was obviously excited.

Dum Dums offer a wide variety of Flavours… and I was so starved that I even ate cream soda flavour ew

•••> I was admitted to Beth Israel Hospital. They put a tube in my nose to decompress my stomach (remove all of the bile that was backflowing in) and promptly did their own CT scan. Less than an hour later, a surgeon was in my hospital room telling me that I needed to have surgery right away. I had a closed-loop bowel obstruction. She told me, “this is a very concerning type of obstruction–it will cause one part of the intestine to flow forward and the other, backward. It can cut off circulation and kill part of the bowel, and it will not get better without surgery”. And so I was brought into the operating room on Halloween Night.

Peace, Man ☮️ That delightful little belly-decompressing nasogastric tube.

•••> I can’t describe the pain that I had when first out of surgery. I was put in the ICU and given a PCA (the little pump filled with pain medication. It has a button that you can press to give yourself a small dose when you feel you need it). I remember being beyond tired, but the nurses kept waking me up. I was confused at first and wished that they would just let me sleep. Eventually though, I would awake to three frantic nurses hurrying around my bed. They were telling me that my respiratory rate was 4 and my heart rate nearly 200. I couldn’t understand because I didn’t feel any different than I had an hour earlier. I was just too tired. I went back to sleep and was promptly woken again shortly thereafter. And again. And again. Just to be sure that I was breathing. As exhausted as I was, I began to get scared. Then a nurse took my arm and informed me they were going to put in more IV catheters. They were still acting frantic and said that the reason for the extra IVs was because I needed various substances that couldn’t be simultaneously infused through the same tubing. They would have to be done one after the other–but I needed them all immediately. All at once. And so I ended up with four ports: two lumens were on a PICC line in my upper left arm, one in a peripheral IV in my lower left arm, and a second peripheral in my lower right arm. They were being used for potassium, magnesium, Ringer’s, TPN (food through the veins), and a multitude of other things that I don’t even recall.

I’m not even sure what I had piled on my lap there… 🤔

•••> I watched HGTV 24/7 while in the ICU and when I was finally moved back to the nursing unit, Animal Planet. The first few days after my surgery, I couldn’t move very well, but I had to get into some strange positions in order to drain the bile from my stomach. For some reason, the NG tube wasn’t suctioning very well and I would lean back, hold the tubing, and twist my body this way and that to get it out. The relief I felt once my stomach was decompressed was amazing, but it was so difficult to get it to work right. Then when the staff turned up the strength of the suction, it began to fill with blood. They thought that this may have been because it was irritating my stomach and they turned it back down. When my mother visited, we ended up performing little circus acts in an attempt to decompress my stomach: she would hold up the long tubing and try to “pour” it into the collection jar and I would lean this way and that, trying to get the right angle. We eventually got it.

My TV in the ICU on 24/7 HGTV—this would be David Bromstad. He’s adorable.

•••> I was in the hospital for seven days, all the while receiving TPN for maintenance (as well as to restore some of the weight that I’d lost). The plan was to send me home with my PICC line and TPN but we couldn’t get anyone to manage the prescription for the parenteral nutrition and the line was pulled. I ended up going home with nothing for maintenance and while I was eventually able to eat enough to keep myself functioning (soft fruits are the way to go!), I simply couldn’t drink/retain enough water. The plan is (and had been) to place another portacath (a type of IV that goes into a large vein near your heart. It sits beneath the skin and is accessed with a special type of needle). Through this portacath I am to receive bags of IV fluids at home (and TPN if it becomes necessary, but I don’t think that it will), however until it is placed, I have to come to the urgent care each morning to get two bags of saline to keep myself going.

Port-a-Cath and Huber Needle

Because I’ve had so many IVs, my veins are very difficult to access. Nurses have lately begun using more creative locations.

•••> Throughout this entire “adventure”, my parents have been helping me with everything and taking care of me better than any nurse or doctor ever could. I don’t think they really know how grateful I am, but I would, in complete seriousness, be dead if not for them. When I first came home from the hospital, my mum made a little menu of stomach-friendly foods she’d bought that I could “order” from the kitchen. While I was in hospital, she changed and washed all of my sheets and neatened my bedroom for when I got home. I live above my parents and because of my pain and weakness, my mother brought me anything I needed from downstairs, she crushed my medications for me, and (with my father’s help) took care of my crazy 10-month-old Basenji puppy. Even now that I’m getting a little better, she and my father are still taking care of and helping me–especially with said loony puppy! I am just extremely grateful that I have my parents (and my grandparents as well) helping me. I feel horribly guilty for being so needy, though. Do any of you ever feel that way? I’m an adult after all and yet my parents have to care for me like I’m still a child. At this point, it should be me taking care of and helping them. That’s my big goal for when I get healthy.

Said crazy Basenji Puppy—THOR!

•••> As I write this, I’m sitting in the urgent care getting my daily bags of fluids. The portacath surgery is scheduled for Thursday and shortly thereafter, a nurse will come to my house and set up the home infusion. I am extremely excited because after I get fluids, I always have so much energy (I experience salt-wasting as well, so I imagine that the sodium does wonders too). I look forward to having that energy every day… AT HOME! With that said, I’m very happy that I found my new physician and network. All of their staff and facilities are just wonderful and I’m no longer scared to go in if I need help.

Bin Wieder Da ~!

Thank you for reading my story. I would love to hear yours too. I hope everyone is feeling well and happy and productive ~

P.S. – – I’ve returned to the Entry hours later. Now I’m smoking/dabbing weed and it makes me feel so much better. If you are able (and have your doctor’s okay), I highly recommend it. It helps my pain and nausea immensely, though sometimes it depends on the strains you get. I love you ~ ! Keep your chin up! There is still beauty in our worlds! 💜

(It’s Blue Dream Dab that my bf got me) Okay, I’m done. Peace out ~ ✌🏻

Jacquelyn

Moon Fishing

It was some picture I thought of in a dream once. I didn’t re-create it quite right, but it was something like this.

This Image was a Commission that was sold to a friend of mine for my LoveBug Project.

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☕️ Drinking: Coffee ☕️
🍁 Thinking: *…and not to hear the answer, but just to hear the call of a Nightbiiiiird! Singin’ come away! Come away!* -aaaannnd jazz hands!-
🌿 Smoking: Blue Dream Dab 🤤

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Walther’s Halloween Special

I’m kinda late, but I still wanted to have a little Walther Halloween feature! This is actually an older Comic, but I really like it 🙂

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🍁 Feeling: Hungry & Hopeful ~•~•~ a lovely mix ☺️
🍁 Eating: Crackers 🤤
🍁 Thinking: About Getting Dunks on my Way Home 🤔 ☕️

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